awe & horror

i set myself on fire each morning,
hoping only to burn out by the end of the day,
having shed some light;
having added warmth;
having singed your eyelashes when you look at me that way.

i don’t want to be quiet. i don’t want to be
gentle.
i want to rage in the wilderness of consciousness
i want to burn down the old buildings of my soul named
abandonment, abuse, not worthy

i want to be alight with such passion
that onlookers gather, awe mixing with horror.